...concern should drive us into action and not into depression. -- Karen Horney

The role of victim is all too familiar to many of us. Life did us injustices - we thought, and we passively waited for circumstances to change. With the bottle we waited, or maybe the little white pills. Nothing was ever our fault. That we were willing participants to victimization is an awareness not easily accepted, but true nonetheless.

Victims no more, we are into action now - and since committing ourselves to this new course of action, we have readily available a willing and very able Director for our role in life. Every event that comes our way, invites an action, and we have opted for the responsible way of life.

Depression may be on the fringes of our consciousness today. But it will need not become our state of mind. The antidote is and always will be action, responsible action. Every concern, every experience wants our attention, our new active attention.

Meditation:

Today stretches before me, an unknown quantity.
Concerns will crowd me, but guidance regarding the best action to take is always
available to me.

(Each Day a New Beginning)
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Somtimes, I want to act, just for the sake of acting. The passage does not encourage acting just to act, it mentions responsible action... How very foreign to me, "responsible action". I have lived my life as a reactionary, and my "re-actions" most times, do not rise out of calm and rational thinking or guidance. Many times I act just to "do something" or to act, for lack of knowing what I should do. This writing has reminded me that I was and I still am, a willing participant in the insanity and chaos around me, but today I have choices. I can choose another way - I can refuse to play the victim. There are many path's I can choose, strenth, hope and love will lead m down the path less traveled. Knowing that I have a choice, gives me hope for progress and a better life. The rewards will be great. :-)

IMG_4637 (1 photo), by Kelly Munro

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If Only ______, I would be happy.....

For me, that blank could be filled in with any number of words or phrases. Starting from way back in my teenage years. If only I could get out of this house, I would be happy. To, "once I get out of Parsippany, I will be happy", to "once I get out of basic training and get to my permanent station, life will be great". Years went by and my magic magnifying mind moved on, in typical fashion, to bigger and better "once I get married", "have more money", "be thinner", "invest smarter", "get my degree", "my own house", "buy a bigger house", "2 children", "another baby", "a puppy", "another puppy", "rental properties", "a beach house", "a tractor".... Get the picture? See my patterns? Funny, I didn't. It took losing it all and being reduced to 3 bedroom townhome from almost 9,000 suare feet home to wake up. It's interesting to me now to look back on where I had come from, where I'd been and realize - no matter what I achieved, no matter what I had, it was never enough. I had the disease of "more", that so many of us suffer from and so can relate. I never looked at myself as materialistic - I would never judge you on what you had, but it's the way I lived - judging myself and assignin value and my own success on what I had. For some reason, I felt that the more I had, the more "together" I was and I had "arrived". Arrived where? I wasn't together - that couldn't be further from the truth. The more I things I acquired, the more I craved and the further away from happiness and contentness I was getting. I was an addict - desperately trying to fill a void.

It took the greatest recession since the depression to change my perspective on life. I had to work harder for less; pick and choose which things to keep and which had to go. Through the process of downsizing our things and expenses, (very weapy-eyed at first, I must admit) I came to realize that my happiness had not really changed through any of it. What did it mean? The awakening that came over over me, me, who had been so chained to my ego, my insatiable ego, was stunning. There were so many areas of my life that I had not attended to, all in this pursuit of so-called "happiness". Who was I trying to keep up with? A wise close friend has since told me that the ego sets us up to seek and not find. That pretty much summed it up for me and gave new meaning to keeping up with the Jones'. To seek and not find- wow, what a concept. I have since decided that this "ego" of mine, is not going to win. I am not going to believe the lie. Today, I work hard at keep life simple. I see that life holds so much for me and thousands of oppotunities in a day to find joy and happiness in the small stuff. As much as we shouldn't sweat the small, the little things in life, sometimes absolutely warm my heart. They are easy to miss, yet there are thousands each day. The rest, if it's meant to be, it will be......I can't set limits and rules for being content and free....

Que Sera Sera....Think about it.

What are some of your "little - big" moments that set you free?

I AM UNWRITTEN

I am unwritten - can't read my mind - I am undefined...

-- Natasha Bedingfield

When I heard the first line to this song, I think my heart momentarily may have stopped. I sat gaping at the lyrics as Natasha's voice crooned out of my speakers - wondering, how did this Brit whom I had never had the pleasure of knowing, get in my head? What an awakening I had over this song that I have heard on the radio many times, yet never really stopped to listen and hear the words.

I have been trapped in this "box" that I allowed myself to be put in... Funny how nowadays we are supposed to think "outside" the box, yet a lot people really can't wait to box us in, labeling us with a nice neat tag, so we can be put on the shelf in our proper place. Sometimes it's at work or school, at home with our family, anywhere... When and how did it happen? When did I push the little girl aside and why? I thought at the time I was making choices, instead, I am waking up to the truth. My truth is that what I used to see and what I am see now are entirely different. I have a new pair of glasses and I am realizing that it's time to play, dance and spin. To run aimlessly just for the sake of running - ok, maybe not that, but you get what I mean. Each day, a different thought to develop, each day I dream now of learning something new, no matter how insignificant or small.

What does it really mean to be young forever? I know for starters it means to smile a lot and to try everything you can at least once... Kids don't judge - they have wonderment in their eyes and hearts. I want that back - I want a glimpse of that world again, through the innocent eyes of a child. So, today, I am trying not to judge anything. It's so very difficult since my mind is so conditioned, forming opinions as soon as my eyes lock on an object or a person - everything really. And the funniest part of all it is, that I myself give "it" meaing. I can't even imagine how many people or things I have missed out on by my pre-determined opinion and just walked the other way. Not anymore 'cause -

Today is where my book begins, the rest is still unwritten

Join me on my journey, and share yours. Life is truly about the truth, the trek on the path to happy destiny, the people you meet and the lives we touch along the way. See you tomorrow...